DEAD MAN WALKING ...

I see dead people…. EVERYWHERE! Everyday, I am among dead people. No, I don’t visit the cemeteries, look for funerals or spend time in morgues. The dead people I am referring to are people who are living among us… but only in a physical sense. Spiritually, they’ve died a long time ago.

Dead man walkers have lost their most innate sense of reaching for something so much higher than themselves. They’ve lost their zeal and zest for life, their dreams, desires, motivation, passion and a willingness to search for more than what is in front of their eyes. They’ve adopted this twisted and faulty belief system that their time has passed and they’ve missed the boat. The view in which they see themselves becomes their crutch and their excuse of being too tired or too old. What is frighteningly sad are those who believe... “this is just the way it is and there is nothing I can do about it.” They experience no joy and very little happiness. What a horrible, meaningless and hopeless existence.

Will the person who placed the age limit on living please stand up? Statistics prove that people today are living much longer than our grandparents and great grandparents ever did. So, why have so many of us chosen to be walking dead people? Why have many of us chosen to stop living, stop dreaming, stop planning, stop experiencing, stop loving, stop searching and stop growing? How did we become a society of sub-standard or at best, mediocre people? When did we decide that it was better to be dead than alive and what’s worse—model this dysfunctional behavior for our children and grand children?

Being spiritually alive is a FREE gift. The only thing it costs is a desire to change, a willingness to be open and a passion to grow. Being alive allows you to embrace hope and embrace something much bigger, more powerful, worthy and infinitely greater than ourselves….but it is a choice. Just like you’re choosing to be a dead man walking, you can also choose to be a healthy person living because everyday we make a choice, but one of them is wrong.

Glenda Brown... My Sister, My Girl!

I didn't deserve Glenda, but Lord, you saw fit to add her in a MIGHTY, MIGHTY way into my life. I will never forget.
Thank you!

G-L-E-N-D-A B-R-O-W-N
God-centered
Loyal
Engaged
Noble
Doormat for our Lord
Awe-inspiring

* * * * *
Brave
Royalty
Optimist
Wisdom
Nurturing

I won't forget the gift that you Lord saw fit for me to have in Glenda. I promise to take care of her in the same manner that she has taken care of me all of these years.

My Friend Lisa ...

I’ve got a friend. Her name is Lisa. I met Lisa in 2009 but it’s strange because it seems like a lifetime. We’ve only been through 4 seasons together, but it sure seems more like 10 seasons. Many of these seasons were dark seasons—for the both of us, but even through those dark seasons, we managed to recognize light. I met Lisa at a church outing. Our church was committed to improving a neighborhood that by all standards was depressed, oppressed and a mess! I was walking with my husband at the time, (we’re now divorced) and Lisa was kind of lagging behind us. She was alone. Somehow, we struck up a conversation. It was just chit-chat but I found myself struggling to walk alongside my (then) husband (who didn’t have much to say) but was more interested in conversing with Lisa. She ended up remaining with us for the entire event and we exchanged telephone numbers to stay in touch afterwards.

Fast forward, our relationship took us on many twists and turns. We prayed, laughed, cried, ate, talked, vented, gossipped, (yeah, I said it), worshipped, served and both suffered failed relationships together. We were always together and coined a part of our relationship, "pity-party in the pit!" If we weren’t on the phone, we were in each other’s presence. If there was an issue, we turned to each other. If we had an issue with each other, we aired it. It was very comforting. Lisa and I had so many similarities and that is what drew me in. Like me, Lisa had the ability to say what she wanted, when she wanted and had a moxy about her. She was sharp and when she spoke, I listened. Like me, she didn’t take a lot of stuff and didn’t put on pretenses. Like me, Lisa could spot a phony a mile away; I just had no idea what God was doing when He paired us up. I had no idea that both of us would be used in a mighty way to help propel the other. I could not have imagined it.

I’m a school student and I was always horrible in math. The thought of math brought on so much anxiety that I wanted to quit school in my last year. Lisa just HAPPENS to be a Director at a center that offers tutoring. She offered FREE tutoring sessions and as a result I passed all math classes including Statistics with an A. That was not an accident. On the other hand, Lisa wanted a relationship. She didn’t speak often about it but I had learned her heart and her desires. During this time, Lisa wanted a Godly man to mentor her son. There was only one man who came to my mind so I had to introduce them. All praises and glory to our LORD, she is now marrying him.

When I reflect on the past 4 years with Lisa, it seems like a lifetime. This post can never effectively communicate all of our stuff ~ the insight, intense conversations, sharing details of our personal life that we just can't share with many, laughing until our guts broke wide open and late night wine and food fests. I’ve met a lot of women, but there is really only one Lisa. She is the kind of woman who works tirelessly, serves endlessly, gives unselfishly and loves unconditionally. She is the kind of woman who seeks the under-served, hates the spotlight, praise and atta-girls. She is the kind of woman who surrounds herself with people who others frown upon. She does not need to be the most popular, most successful or partner with the high and mighty in the church, professional world or otherwise. She does not need all of the stuff that the world gives you when you’re on top. She is comfortable just doing God’s work and not being recognized because she knows that the ultimate Thank you from God is all that matters. Because of Lisa, I’ve grown, I’ve matured, and I’ve expanded my thinking. Lisa is the reason why I continuously focus on those who others don’t pay attention to.

My friend Lisa is getting married and if I had to choose one other woman in my life who I would wish this kind of happiness for, I can’t. She deserves this. In just 4 short years, I’ve seen her depth and I’ve witnessed the capacity at which she serves. I am praying and wishing and holding on to my faith that my friend Lisa will forever be happy and live a long life with the man of her reality, Traci.

Every woman needs to have a friend like Lisa. I've got mine, you've got to get your own!

The art of LISTENING...

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you find yourself trying to “get in where you fit in?” In other words, the only way you can get a word in is if they pause for a breath, sneeze, cough or maybe even choke? I’m all too familiar with that feeling…but from the opposite side of the spectrum....you see, I am a talker. In fact, it’s what makes me tick, but I now know that the more I talk, the more I miss out on opportunities of learning something new about someone.


For the record, I did not choose to be a talker, but my unique and divine make-up longs to take a deep and personal look inside the souls of people which usually creates conversation after conversation. I want to know who they are, why they do the things they do, where they hurt and as I continue to grow in my faith, along with maturity and my own life experiences, I realize that my talking and my natural longing of wanting to know about people doesn’t go away. What is interesting in all of this is as soon as I conquer one area of my life(listening), another is revealed to me.


I am now faced with conquering my annoyance with people who just won’t shut up. I know that isn’t nice; however, my entire blog speaks what is true to me so very honestly speaking, the truth is that I really do want to tell people to just shut up already. In particular, it’s the people who talk and talk and talk so much that you could take a shower, go grocery shopping, do a load of laundry and work a part-time job and they never knew that you left the phone.


It’s the people who can talk about their life hours upon hours along with the life of their children, spouses, job, what’s new, what’s old and everything in between but never, ever does the thought cross their mind to ask you about yours. Or, the best is the person who becomes quiet (under the guise of listening) but as soon as you’ve finished, they make it quite clear that you were apparently speaking a foreign language because they immediately delve RIGHT BACK into their own issues without once commenting on what they’ve just heard you say. Those types also have cases of extreme selfishness, a grandiose view of their own talents and a craving for admiration.


Finally, it’s the people who can't help but one-up you. They don’t even realize that they are trying to one-up you because it’s a part of who they’ve become. These people thrive on having an edge or an advantage over you by making their story more sensational, bigger, better and more interesting. Sadly, what they end up proving is that they really need someone to listen to them, not from the position that what they have to say is all that important but from the position that NO ONE listens to them ~ not even the voice activation feature on their cell phones.


So, why did I write this post? I wrote it for two reasons ~ one for me and one for you. For me, it serves as a reminder that the Lord has called me to listen. It doesn’t matter if the person ever asks me about my life, my children, my job, my dreams, goals or my day. It only matters that for the time spent whether on the phone or in person, they had someone who demonstrated care and concern. I’m working hard to get there without feeling like I still want to tell them to shut up!


For you, this blog hopefully and respectfully is a reminder that a real relationship is two-way. There is give and take. There is back and forth banter and both people should be able to respectfully contribute to the conversation. It also requires a deep sensitivity that allows you to listen and respond to the other person’s thoughts, concerns and cares.


I’ve said for a long time folks, that life is never about us. It’s always about someone else. We’re just being used to serve others and that includes listening. Don’t believe me? That’s fine but you can’t argue with “when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent (Proverbs 10:19).”
While I continue to work hard to resist the temptation of wanting to tell you to shut up, I can at least promise you that I will listen.

Job well done!

One of the things I want to hear is: JOB WELL DONE. My two daughters made being a mother pretty easy. <3

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
The foundation we laid for them is paying off. Sow a good seed and reap a fruitful harvest!
My Brittany is a nurse in the US NAVY caring, healing and helping others while stationed in Guam as she serves for our country.
My Brianna is a pre-school teacher also caring and helping. In her sparetime she voluntarily and selfishly collects items for the homeless and serves in the M.I.S.F.I.T.S. Ministry at our church.

Why me???

The more I talk to people, the more I hear the words, “why me?” Why me tells me a few things. First, it tells me that people are suffering and are in pain. They want to know why out of 10 billion people on planet earth, they were the ones chosen to deal with such pain.

Secondly, when people ask, “why me” it tells me that people are in a state of feeling sorry for themselves. They’ve past the point of motivation, and perseverance and all they want are answers. But none of us are in positions to really tell someone the answers to their “why me?” We can help them reflect back on their lives, deal with their pain of the past and point them toward the truth, but the only person who has the answer is God.

I was in a place a long time ago where I would ask, “why me?” I was so very pathetic. I felt sorry for myself and was angry at God for giving me a life filled with people who hurt me, deceived me, conned me, lied to me and abandoned me.

Furthermore, I was taught “do unto others as you would have people do unto you.” So why all the pain? It made no sense to me and as far as I was concerned, the scriptures were a lie and that line was some pious attempt to get me do right!

It wasn’t until my brother Arnold, who died of cancer said to me, “Tori, I don’t ask, “why me,” I ask, “why not me?” My brother suffered from pancreatic cancer that spread to his lungs. Even while dying, he encouraged me and made me see that life is never about us. When he said, “Why not me,” he was saying, “who are we to question what God has allowed?" But I was too blinded over the fact that my brother was dying. I couldn't comprehend.

Years later, I got it! Years later, my “why me” turned into “use me.” You see, Rick Warren, says, “Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts. So, you will never, ever, ever, hear me say, “why me?” Instead “use me.”

If my pain can help heal a broken heart, restore faith in a fractured marriage, offer hope, encouragement, lift and help give life to a situation that was dead years, ago, use me! I’m a willing vessel. I now know that it’s not about me….my story is for someone else. Your story is too. So instead of asking, “Why me,” ask yourself, “why not me?” Prayerfully, you’ll arrive at the place where you will say, “Use me.”

STOP

Driving home from work this evening was surely an “Aha” moment. I happen to be one of those commuters that no matter which route I take from my workplace, there is a ton of traffic. This time, instead of becoming impatient with the traffic, I decided to adjust my radio to a louder volume and enjoy the ride. Somewhere along my route, a car pulled in front of me. It was one of those driving school cars with the name of the school properly propped up for advertising purposes. I didn’t pay too much attention as I was busy deciphering the skills of the new driver. Beside the driver was the instructor who must have motioned to make a right turn into a shopping center. I was at a light and was once again able to notice the skills (or lack thereof) of this driver. The driver approached a stop sign and came to a complete stop. He then put on his left turn signal and made a left turn.

As my light turned green for me to proceed, I did so wondering if the instructor was growing impatient with the driver for coming to a complete stop. I mean, after all, it was past 5:00 p.m. and this instructor probably wanted to go home right? I even laughed silently as I imagined the instructor thinking out loud, “come on kid, just ease up to the stop sign and proceed slowly…no one ever really stops!” I also imagined him thinking, “If you stop, that is a second or two that is a pure waste of my time.” Imagine that?

How many times do we just proceed when we should stop and look both ways? Imagine the number of times we could have saved ourselves from a ton of pain and hardship, had we just stopped and looked both ways? The signs of life are there for a reason. Our signs can come in the form of a person, a word or song, but we rush right through them believing that the danger that lies ahead is for the other person, not us. While this young driver had an instructor coaching him to make the right decisions, informing him when he made the wrong ones and explaining why he should always stop and look both ways, I wonder if we have these kinds of people in our own lives or are we rushing through life, never looking both ways and never willing to listen to correction.

I’ve learned the hard way that if we want to get to our destinations sane, whole and healthy, we will have to sometimes come to a complete stop and look both ways. We may also require correction and discipline and while it may take an extra second or two to get to where we are headed, the end result might just save our lives.