A blessed day in the life...

Why me???

2011-12-19T21:53:00.008-05:00

The more I talk to people, the more I hear the words, “why me?” Why me tells me a few things. First, it tells me that people are suffering and are in pain. They want to know why out of 10 billion people on planet earth, they were the ones chosen to deal with such pain.

Secondly, when people ask, “why me” it tells me that people are in a state of feeling sorry for themselves. They’ve past the point of motivation, and perseverance and all they want are answers. But none of us are in positions to really tell someone the answers to their “why me?” We can help them reflect back on their lives, deal with their pain of the past and point them toward the truth, but the only person who has the answer is God.

I was in a place a long time ago where I would ask, “why me?” I was so very pathetic. I felt sorry for myself and was angry at God for giving me a life filled with people who hurt me, deceived me, conned me, lied to me and abandoned me.

Furthermore, I was taught “do unto others as you would have people do unto you.” So why all the pain? It made no sense to me and as far as I was concerned, the scriptures were a lie and that line was some pious attempt to get me do right!

It wasn’t until my brother Arnold, who died of cancer said to me, “Tori, I don’t ask, “why me,” I ask, “why not me?” My brother suffered from pancreatic cancer that spread to his lungs. Even while dying, he encouraged me and made me see that life is never about us. When he said, “Why not me,” he was saying, “who are we to question what God has allowed?" But I was too blinded over the fact that my brother was dying. I couldn't comprehend.

Years later, I got it! Years later, my “why me” turned into “use me.” You see, Rick Warren, says, “Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts. So, you will never, ever, ever, hear me say, “why me?” Instead “use me.”

If my pain can help heal a broken heart, restore faith in a fractured marriage, offer hope, encouragement, lift and help give life to a situation that was dead years, ago, use me! I’m a willing vessel. I now know that it’s not about me….my story is for someone else. Your story is too. So instead of asking, “Why me,” ask yourself, “why not me?” Prayerfully, you’ll arrive at the place where you will say, “Use me.”

STOP

2011-12-02T10:35:00.006-05:00

Driving home from work this evening was surely an “Aha” moment. I happen to be one of those commuters that no matter which route I take from my workplace, there is a ton of traffic. This time, instead of becoming impatient with the traffic, I decided to adjust my radio to a louder volume and enjoy the ride. Somewhere along my route, a car pulled in front of me. It was one of those driving school cars with the name of the school properly propped up for advertising purposes. I didn’t pay too much attention as I was busy deciphering the skills of the new driver. Beside the driver was the instructor who must have motioned to make a right turn into a shopping center. I was at a light and was once again able to notice the skills (or lack thereof) of this driver. The driver approached a stop sign and came to a complete stop. He then put on his left turn signal and made a left turn.

As my light turned green for me to proceed, I did so wondering if the instructor was growing impatient with the driver for coming to a complete stop. I mean, after all, it was past 5:00 p.m. and this instructor probably wanted to go home right? I even laughed silently as I imagined the instructor thinking out loud, “come on kid, just ease up to the stop sign and proceed slowly…no one ever really stops!” I also imagined him thinking, “If you stop, that is a second or two that is a pure waste of my time.” Imagine that?

How many times do we just proceed when we should stop and look both ways? Imagine the number of times we could have saved ourselves from a ton of pain and hardship, had we just stopped and looked both ways? The signs of life are there for a reason. Our signs can come in the form of a person, a word or song, but we rush right through them believing that the danger that lies ahead is for the other person, not us. While this young driver had an instructor coaching him to make the right decisions, informing him when he made the wrong ones and explaining why he should always stop and look both ways, I wonder if we have these kinds of people in our own lives or are we rushing through life, never looking both ways and never willing to listen to correction.

I’ve learned the hard way that if we want to get to our destinations sane, whole and healthy, we will have to sometimes come to a complete stop and look both ways. We may also require correction and discipline and while it may take an extra second or two to get to where we are headed, the end result might just save our lives.

Eyes wide shut...

2011-11-29T14:31:00.007-05:00

As I headed out the door for lunch on this unseasonable warm yet fall afternoon, I smelled the fresh fragrance of pine. I didn’t think anything unusual except maybe someone had just cleaned something, but as I walked closer to the door leading to the outside of my office, I see workers moving about. That’s when I noticed that these men had just put up our office Christmas tree. Just briefly, I thought, “So, that’s what’s different...it’s the tree,” but I moved about my business anyway.

The experience in my office lobby was quite different when I returned from lunch. I had an opportunity to really look at the massive tree that stood directly in front of me. It has to be 12 feet high. It’s beautifully decorated with lights and again the smell overwhelms the lobby area. I thought, “How could I have missed something so big and so beautiful” and began to wonder about my own life, thoughts and what is occupying my time. I also began to think about the number of times something so great is right before me, yet I miss the beauty of it because I am absorbed with self.

Overwhelmed by my inability to acknowledge something that stood so mightily, I decided to share my thoughts about this with a co-worker. She didn’t notice it either! So I ask…”have we become a walking community of people with eyes closed so tightly while we focus on our own business, that we can’t see what’s directly in front of us?” Her experience was further confirmation that we on a daily basis miss opportunities, blessings, second chances and maybe even love because we are walking with closed hearts, closed minds and closed eyes.

I’m not sure about you, but this experience was a lesson for me to always consider how I walk. I want to walk upright, Godly ~ appreciating all of His beauty. I do not want to be consumed with my own stuff, and my own thoughts….I may miss something. The reality is ~ there is something great within all of our reach, but we have to get out of our own darkness and be willing to open up our hearts, minds and eyes.

Enjoy the BEAUTY of this tree that I almost missed!

Alone Again....Naturally

2011-11-01T21:10:00.010-04:00

It’s funny, that alone thing. Some see it as a nice retreat, away from the hustle and bustle or a comforting place where no one else can enter. Depending on how you view being alone, it can be therapeutic and a place to re-energize. Even Jesus left the people every now and then to get away and re-energize. But for some, being alone is a private hell. You’re left alone with your thoughts, your failures, what you’ve lost and all of the disappointments of life. For some, it’s torture, a cycle of confusion and sadly, a place that after time, brings a sick comfort because you’ve made being alone a routine and a habit. The simple but straight truth is that we are not meant to be alone. We’re built for relationships and for whatever the reasons are that one might feel more comfort in being alone most of the time than being in relationship means that one’s soul is crying. It means that your distorted view of what might feel natural is actually very unnatural. It also means that there is pain that is so deeply rooted that you’ve lost all connectivity to the one who can restore you.

Even in our most primal state (being an infant) one cannot survive without the love and touch from others. This is the way we are made. We all have an innate sense of needing to belong and relating to someone or something, but when we're alone, there is nothing but a false existence, hungry for relationship. Even still, with the hunger pangs so explosive and so desperate, some carry with them this sense of arrogance and pride that they simply do not need anyone or anything and that they can do it all by themselves. I’m here to say, no you can’t. Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Prov. 26:12, ESV) I’m here to say that pride and arrogance is one of the highest forms of sin because it deliberately blocks God and intentionally shuts Him out! Oh how that can bring about a wrath that no man can withstand.

I'm here to say that the fortress you've built is exactly where satan wants you to be. You see, he wants you to be alone. He wants you to live this life without your armor of God, and he's happy to convince you that you don't need people. He loves your fortress because he knows that you've blocked out all of the people who can help you tear it down...even God. The bible is clear when it says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” (Prov. 18:1, ESV). So I caution you, when you get hooked on satan's hook, some things will not be reversed. It will be your life-long existence.

Like isolation and insulation should never be a consolation...Alone again…Naturally, is not natural.

Partner Up!

2011-10-01T21:47:00.006-04:00

Statement: You've got a problem with personal accountability.
Reply: Well, whose fault is that?

What is Accountability?
~ Accountability is a divine principle
~ Accountability is God’s protection of his children

What does Accountability do?
~ Develops within us a sense of responsibility
~ Promotes integrity
~ Guards us against turning our freedom into doing something wrong
~ Sharpens our skills
~ Promotes a healthy self-examination
~ Protects us from unwise relationships
~ Promotes a Godly attitude and Godly spirit

What is an Accountability Partner?
~ One who is walking in the spirit
~ One who is trustworthy with your confidence
~ One who has Godly wisdom based on spiritual principles
~ One who gives you the freedom to be yourself
~ One who has the courage to confront you
~ One must be forgiving toward you
~ One who is an encourager
~ One who is a good listener
~ One who is sensitive to your feelings
~ One who has your best interest at heart

Reasons people avoid being accountable:
~ Ignorant
~ Fear of exposure
~ Fear of rejection
~ Arrogant, pride and they feel self-sufficient
~ They know they are doing something wrong

Not knowing is one thing...knowing is another. Partner Up!

West Philly Woman

2011-09-04T23:28:00.007-04:00

Street lights, row homes, hopscotch, West Philly…
Clothes lines, alley ways, barking dogs, West Philly…
Corner stores, big cars, jumping jacks, West Philly…
Barbeques, Motown, Marvin Gaye, West Philly…
Bobo’s, Ked's, Converse, West Philly…
Sewer holes, front porches, stray cats, West Philly…
Caring neighbors, lots of kids, Mister Softee, West Philly…
Mustard pretzels, Maryjane's, shoe strings, West Philly…
Scraped knees, dodge ball, water plugs, West Philly…
Paddy wagons, lightning bugs, house flies, West Philly...
Green Trolley’s, Septa busses, small streets, West Philly…
Born & raised, home grown, handpicked from West Philly…
Mad love, much respect, and Big Up’s for West Philly…

I AM~

2011-08-29T00:28:00.004-04:00

I am NOTHING and I am EVERYTHING. You say, “How can one be NOTHING and at the same time be EVERYTHING?” Let me explain ~ I am Nothing without God and Everything with Him. Who are you?

What Will Your Legacy Represent?

2011-07-24T17:40:00.007-04:00

Today, all of us are building a legacy and one day each of us will have our life story spoken of. We are all in a position to have some influence over how we have lived our lives and how we have added to the lives of others, so what do you represent...?

Do you represent a person who could be trusted or have you abandoned trust for rumors and gossip?

Do you represent someone who is filled with laughter or have you replaced laughter with pity-parties and your gloom and doom?

Do you represent someone who taught your children the meaning of Christ, love, integrity, character, honesty, and self-respect or did you only praise them for good grades and cleaning their rooms?

Do you represent someone who lives what they speak or are you someone who is just filled with meaningless words?

Do you stand for something of honor or do you blow in the direction of whatever sounds good for the moment?

Do you treat those given to you with love and respect, or have you used, abused, abandoned and taken them for granted?

Do you represent someone who continues to live with fear, guilt and shame or have you given yourself permission to forgive knowing Christ did long ago?

Do you represent someone who understands that freedom is a choice and every day that you live in shackles mean that you chose wrong?

Do you understand that people will look at the “fruit” you have produced and will conclude, "therein lies his legacy?"

Every day we make a choice and everyday one of them is wrong. Choose to leave a legacy that speaks to the person that God has created and grown you to be. It’s the only legacy that is worth leaving behind. Anything short of that is a legacy not worth mentioning.

It's too late...

2011-07-18T15:32:00.008-04:00

There are so many missed opportunities and missed loves. We have spent so much time on the non-essentials in life versus focus on what is important, meaningful and long lasting. We chase the cars, the money, the homes, the vacations and the dreams that may never materialize all the while, losing family, friendships, and ourselves. We live with the hope that someone else’s success can be ours if we would just partner up with them instead of partnering up with God, praying, sacrificing and putting in a little sweat equity.

We become engrossed in the glitz and glam, fine dining and meaningless conversations. We have mastered the act of acting in order to hide our own inadequacies. At night you think, “I won, they like me and soon, I’m going to be one of them,” while really inside you know you will never be. You see, the difference between you and them is that they kept what was important first. They knew that compromising their relationship with our Master and the integrity of loved ones for a self-serving attitude never wins.

You look back on your life only to realize that you’ve been here before. Its familiarity is overwhelming and the stench burn your eyes. You have been thrown into a blinding realization that you have not advanced, have not grown and have missed opportunities and loves. The people you praised, worshipped and sweated don’t even know your name or return your calls. In fact, they run from you because your character is skewed, your choices are selfish and there is nothing about you that speaks to honesty.

Time did not stand still and everyone has moved on but you. You’ve got nothing to show for yourself and the fruit you have produced are covered with maggots. It is rotten to the very core. You never took a moment while you were on your chase to notice that you were responsible for your missed opportunities and loves.

Now, you are trying to resurrect the dead and give what was lost some life. You're trying to water it, nurture it and revive it. You have lost and you have missed the opportunity. It’s too late.

No growth in darkness ...

2011-06-03T15:50:00.009-04:00

If the only thing that has changed about you over the past ten years is your address, then you are not growing. Anything that is alive has the ability to grow, but for some, darkness, disease, rebellion, pride, ego and evil has replaced growth. Instead, you wander aimlessly looking for everything to fill your cups. You chase money and this false sense of security hoping it will satisfy a need. You’ve been on this cycle for years and years’ believing this is the time, this is my chance and this is the breakthrough that will make all of my dreams come true. People have lost confidence in you and what’s worse is that you have lost confidence in yourself.

You’ve equally exhausted yourself either through denial, playing the victim, or your lies and you have buried yourself so deeply that you can’t find your way out. You’ve cut off, isolated and insulated yourself from the people who could help as a way of protecting your own pride and ego. And now you are left with self - but thyself is scary. You’ve sacrificed growth, happiness and freedom for selfishness, ignorance and arrogance. The high hopes that you had for your life has failed.

You then let the self-talk and voices of others convince you that you are okay, that you did nothing wrong, that you’re not responsible, but the truth is, they are infected with the same disease and they are contagious. They latch on to you because you have become easy prey. You see – when something is contagious, it immediately seeks to find areas that are the most vulnerable so it can spread itself. It wreaks havoc in your life and these parasitic attacks leave you with the twisted and distorted belief that it is better to have something toxic than nothing at all. You then return over and over to get your fix while allowing the darkness to pour even more of its venom into your soul. You are dying to a lie and allowing others to destroy you with their lies as well. You are blinded by darkness and your growth has come to a halt.

In order to grow, we must be willing to come into the light – and get out of the dark. We must be willing to break through the dirt and reach toward the heavens where the Sun // SON is. We must be able to handle downpours of rain and some dry seasons when it does not rain. We must be willing to be fertilized for added nutrients and to have our roots stimulated. We must be willing to let go of the bad seeds and cut off the infected roots. We must be willing to be repotted so that we can spread a good harvest. What is produced on the outside is a direct result of what has already taken root on the inside, so break through the darkness and allow yourself to grow - You need the SON to live.

Are we speaking the same language?

2011-04-07T18:32:00.010-04:00

I am always amazed at those who claim to be Christians, claim to love God and boast about being humbled when in fact, we can’t give Christ 15 minutes of our day to study His word. Let me offer clarity folks….being humbled and being stripped are two very different things. Some of us have been stripped but many of us have no idea what humility feels like. I’m equally amazed at how we will study every manual that comes with our cars, HDTV’s, camera’s, cell phones and even manuals for inserting batteries into a clock, but so many people can’t give God the same study time. This is your life we are talking about and isn’t your life worth so much more than your television or cell phone? So how do you expect to learn who He is and what He requires? What’s selfishly worse is that so often, when we do pray, it is filled with our requirements of Him and our wants. It is filled with “gimme, gimme and gimme some more.” Can I enlighten you to a thought? God is not in place for your comfort and He never told us that life was about us, but when we willingly, unselfishly long for our hearts to be filled with God, He will bless us beyond belief and our cups will run over. Trust me. This I know. So, I am sorry to break the news to you, but it is not about you. It’s all about Him.

What is just as poor as always asking God for what we want are the many people who still carry around the King James Version of the Bible. Who do you know who speaks like this? As a people, in order to effectively communicate, you have to understand the language. When have you ever throughout your life used words like thou, speaketh, thy, or art so why and how do you expect to know God, what He’s like, what His requirements are and how you can be blessed if you are not able to understand what He is saying? Even a small child will cry out when they require food, and if we instead administer a diaper change, then we aren’t meeting their requirements of us because we do not understand the language. Let’s do a little bit of history here. Do you even know who King James is? I bet half of you would say no and I sure wish I could see your faces. Then let me ask you, why are you reading a Bible in this version when you don’t know who King James is and YET, you claim to know who Christ is and won’t pick up a Bible written in everyday language to understand Him better? Gotcha!

When was the last time you spoke and wrote in Greek or the Hebrew language? Here is the history folks….The King James Bible, published in 1611, was England's authorized version of the Bible translated from the original Hebrew and Greek languages into English at the request of King James I of England. At the time, other English Bibles existed, but King James did not like the most popular translation, the Geneva Bible, because he felt that some of the marginal notes encouraged disobedience to kings. So when a Puritan scholar, Dr. John Reynolds, suggested a new English translation of the Bible at a 1604 conference of bishops and theologians at Hampton Court Palace, King James readily agreed. Even though King James agreed to the new Bible translation, the King James Version was never officially recognized by the king, nor was it ever authorized as the only text permitted to be read in church. Despite this, we have taken advantage of the King James version and it has contributed to the detriment of our growth in Christ. How sad. Would you ever consider having an ongoing and meaningful relationship with someone if they spoke only in their native tongue of a third world country? No! Would you consider giving your children a chore list written in Greek or Hebrew? No! Then why are you reading your chore list in Greek and Hebrew from your Father? Elementary right? Thought so.

Now, I am not completely insensitive to those who were given this version of the Bible as a gift from dear old grandmother, your mother, your child or maybe you bought it yourself, but in any relationship it requires a true understanding, depth and meaning. In any relationship, it is required that one speaks while the other listens. You can’t hear what God is saying, if you don’t understand His language and won’t pick up the correct version to learn what He wants to share with us. And since you have this manual called the Bible, then we will assume that your intention is to understand what you are reading right? Right! When you understand what you are reading, you begin to become transformed which should ultimately lead to conviction right? Right! And true conviction causes a process of transformation right? Right! You simply CAN NOT read the Bible without it causing transformation and growth right? Right! So, it's safe to say that if you are not growing then you are stuck as a spiritual infant or could be spiritually dead.

Have you ever considered that one of the causes could be that you have a word that you simply do not understand? Another cause could be that you are not gathering with Christ-like people, who can help teach, grow, counsel and correct you and another reason is that your heart could simply be hard. Remember this…God wants us to confess it all. He wants us to tell Him when we are angry, upset, disheartened, afraid, and weary. He wants us to spill it all to Him. He longs to be closer to us and have a relationship with us. He’s God and He can handle it. When we don’t, we are not allowing Him to fill our hearts with Him and we begin to fill our cups with everything else under the sun. Sometimes it’s our jobs. We will spend countless hours at work trying to fill our cups with something that only Christ can fill. Other times it’s our children. We will become dependent on them for a love that only Christ can provide, or we may become intrusive and barge in where they simply do not want us or where we don’t belong. In other cases, we overdo it with our spouses…expecting them to fill our cups, make us happy or provide for us what they were never meant to provide. Ladies and Gentlemen, let me break to you a bit of bad news here….”You will always end up hollow and in search of someone or something to fill your cups when you don’t allow Christ to fill your cups first. Your jobs, spouse, children and material things are the overflow. God is the only one who can fill our cups. The rest is the cherry on the top.”

People, God hates sin and He will not take up residence in a sinner’s heart if they don’t want Him there. He simply will not do it. If He’s called you, you have one of two choices. You can answer or you can walk away and do it your way but let me assure you, your way will bring pain, emptiness and a hard life. Your way will cause brokenness, unnecessary tears and will leave you with a constant limp. It’s only when you are able to spill out the gunk in your hearts, can He then come in and fill it with Him. A start is your everyday language Bible. You must stay in His word and this word must be something that you can understand. Dear old grandmother, mom and your child did nothing wrong when they bought it for you, but today you require growth and healing. If you profess to be a Christian then you should be growing. If you are not growing, now is the time to start the re-examination process. That process always begins with you, Christ and His word. You don’t have to believe me. In fact you can delete my blog and never look at it again, but the reality is that the truth remains and the truth will place you on the path of complete and total freedom. Trust me when I tell you….I am a testimony to this and it makes no logical sense to choose death when you have already been given freedom and life though Christ. Get a Bible that you understand, one that allows God to speak loud and clearly to you. You owe it to yourself and you owe Christ so much more.

Fear Factor

2011-03-12T11:05:00.005-05:00

What we fear the most we create. Fear has a way of manifesting itself in our lives over and over again. We can run from fear but we cannot hide from fear. Fear will always catch up with us and if we don’t face it, fear will overcome us. Fear shows up in different faces, places, circumstances, and situations, but it’s all the same….it’s FEAR! I’ve always been a courageous person….walking right up to that lion and roaring back. There was no way I could let anything make me cower and besides, I love the challenges because they push me and I thrive off of them. Some might call that stupidity, but stupid, I am not. When someone says “NO,” I say to myself, ”Yes.” I can’t even count on one hand the situations I let overcome me. I’ve always been a fighter and as God is my witness, I’ve always embraced situations that most would run from. My spirit doesn’t rest if I don’t face fear.

Well, at 47, my spirit hasn’t rested because there is a fear that I have not dealt with. My fear is math and now I have to take and pass a statistics class. In my earlier years, I recall changing my major in order to get away from math and it worked. Whew! Dodged that bloody bullet! Now re-read my first paragraph. It’s back! Fear will leave you stuck. You simply cannot move forward in life when you are stuck. Yes, you can fake it, play the game, act like all is well, go about handling your business but there is still this gnawing at you. You will remain in an infantile state and will never be able to grow. You can’t take on more success because you can’t get past the basics. Well, I refuse to become stale, stagnant and allow fear (math) to keep me in bondage. It’s back and so it must be dealt with.

There is good news though. You don’t have to face this fear alone…in fact, you don’t even have to do much fighting. All you need to do is trust God and walk up to this lion. Just take a step. I’ve lived long enough to know that when I face things, they fall away and not because I wished them away. Because in this lifetime, I am not alone. I possess something so much greater than my own strength and that is our Lord’s strength. Why live life fearing, running, hiding and being afraid? Our chief source of strength that enables us to withstand fear will always be the knowledge that God is with us.

We need not fear any danger from anything natural or supernatural, small or great. It is the love of God that overshadows us and gives us victory in and over all these things. Handle your business, shut that lion down, walk up to your fear and grow. You really have nothing to fear. John 14:27 - "Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING!

2011-02-25T17:30:00.003-05:00

You know what I have observed? The longer people live in their own stink, the more they become accustomed to it and fail to even notice. When these “stinkers” have trouble getting along with people, they always think the problem is with the other person. They never stop to look in the mirror and smell the real culprit.

Pepe Le Pew, the famous cartoon skunk, serves as a great example. He never bothered to realize that it was his stench that drove everyone away. He always saw his problem as external, and he never bothered to look within. Do you know any people like that? “Sin in others I can see, but praise the Lord there’s none in me.”

GETTING HONEST

As much as we don’t like to do it, the time is now to look soberly into the mirror of God’s Word and see what He wants us to see. Is there the stench of pride, bitterness, selfishness, anger, lust and resentment hanging on your life? Are you blaming everyone under the sun for your problems and failing to take responsibility for the way YOU are reacting to your unpleasant situation?

You and I can’t control a lot of what happens in our lives, but we can control how we respond to what happens. We can come before the Lord with a humble, tender heart and deal with sin in our own lives. We can hit the showers and let God wash us white as snow.

EARTHY OR HEAVENLY

When we sin, we smell earthy. An earthy smell is a stench in the nostrils of God. But the good news is this: through the cross of Christ, the Lord has provided all we need to take the stench of our sin to Him and be made clean, pure and fresh as a daisy. It all starts when you get real and honest before the Lord. It all starts when you quit pointing fingers at others and start looking at yourself. God wants to do a work in you. You can’t change others, but you can let the Lord change you.

The choice is yours. You can soberly deal with sin or you can go on lying to yourself, pretending all is well with you and Jesus when you know deep down that there is rottenness in your heart. You can keep smelling of earth, or you can start smelling of heaven. You can get right with God, or you can continue in your charade. Which do you choose?

The Reformed Witness Hour

2010-11-13T10:05:00.003-05:00

THE REFORMED WITNESS HOUR
"Husbands, Honor Your Wife"

We are about to draw attention to the fact that Peter focuses on these words, "as unto the weaker vessel." The apostle refers, here, to the wife as a vessel. That is something that is not demeaning. Romans 9 calls all men vessels. They are either vessels of wrath or vessels of mercy. The apostle Paul refers to himself as a chosen vessel. So this is not demeaning but refers to something that is fitted, something that is tailored by one's own fingers and hands. The word points to our existence as created by God, fitted for a purpose that God has in mind.

Then there is a comparative: dwell with your wife as unto the weaker vessel. "Weaker" - a comparative. That means that a man is a vessel that is weak. God says, "You are weak, man." But He says that a woman is a weaker vessel. What does that mean? That does not mean that a woman is weaker mentally. It does not mean that a woman is weaker spiritually. It does not mean that the woman is weaker in moral courage. But in her created identity, as the woman, she is the weaker vessel, first of all, physically. God has made the male, the man, the stronger of the two most often. And no amount of steroids or body-building is going to change that. God made the male physically stronger. But she is weaker also positionally. That is, God made the woman for the man, to be his helpmeet. He made the man the head and the woman to be under her husband - vulnerable. That is not demeaning. That is her very femininity.

Now, understand how God has created the woman. Unbelief does not like this at all. Unbelieving women have a controversy with God. They malign and they blaspheme God. But man cannot escape what God has done. What God has done is not bad, but it is good. Sin, of course, causes a man to exploit a woman, to become a predator, to prey upon her, to abuse her, to take advantage of her, to turn this Word of God into tyranny. Sin perverts, and God will judge those who pervert His Word.

But, Christian husbands, God is saying that you are different. You understand, do you not? Dwell with your wife according to the knowledge that she is the weaker vessel. Do you ever think about that? Do you ever meditate about that as a husband? Are you conducting yourself toward your wife as God made your wife to be, not as you think she ought to be, not as you conceive of her? Are you dwelling with her as God made her? Do you respect her? Are you leading, providing, protecting, loving, nurturing, cherishing her, even as the Lord cares for His bride, the church? And are you teaching your sons how to dwell one day with a wife? Are you teaching your sons, in how they treat their sisters and other girls, that they may not poke fun of them, they may not be rough with them? They must be polite, they must open the door for them. Are you telling your sons, are you insisting that your sons do this? Do you think that is just politeness? What about your daughters? What have you taught them? What have you shown them? For all that they have witnessed, they will surely pick a man like you. Curses can be handed down to our children and the way you treat your wife, they may one day be treated? Is that good enough for you? Husbands, that is your calling. You must dwell with your wife in the knowledge that she is the weaker vessel and you are to always honor her.

Secondly, you must give honor to your wife as being heirs together of the grace of life. Give her honor. It does not say to give her flowers, candy, or a dress to make up after a spat. You might want to do that. But give her honor. That is something that comes not from Fanny Mae, but from the heart. Give, show, assign to her honor. Honor is one of those favorite words of the inspired apostle Peter. In chapter 1:7, we read that we shall "be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ." In II Peter 1:17, Jesus received from His Father honor. And it is a word that is used also of God in Revelation 4 and 5: Worthy art thou to receive honor. Honor is simply a word that expresses an understanding of the great value a thing has and you treat it according to the value that it has.

She must come before your employer, your home, your money and cars, your family, your friends and yes, even your children husbands. She is your rock! Ask yourself, have you really honored her? Does she know it and does she feel it? If so, you can now recognize then, what God has given to you in your wife. You see God's work in giving to you your wife. You see the value of that wife as your helpmeet, as a fellow pilgrim. And you honor her as being heir together of the grace of life. You did not ask God for a wife and then not honor her or keep your word with God. You see, Peter is saying, you must view your wife, first, as God made her (as the weaker vessel), and secondly, as Christ has redeemed her (as an heir of the grace of life). She is a joint heir with you because of the grace of God. She has been given eternal life by grace. She is the heir of what Christ has purchased. When you mistreat your wife in any way, you have mistreated Christ's prized possession and your blessings will surely be delayed.

God has given to your believing wife an inheritance undefiled and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for her. As an heir of the grace of life, she is the daughter of the King of kings. Did you hear me? You are married to a daughter of the King of kings. You are married to a woman who exists for His praise and glory. You are married to royalty, royalty in Jesus Christ. Did you ever think about that? God has pledged His commitment to her. Now, in the light of who God created her to be (the weaker vessel), and in the light of the redemption of Christ, the blood of Christ was shed for her. You must believe and you must behave towards her as she is the heir of the grace of life. That is the way you treat her. You do not abuse her in any way and you must act toward her how Christ acts toward her, for you are a child of God and you are her husband, the leader, the protector and the provider.

You are married to a daughter of the King of kings.

I am going to use an example. Imagine with me that you have just moved into a new home. It has a basement. And the people who moved out did not take everything with them. Down in the basement there is this old shelf. On the shelf is this dusty glass bowl. You look at that bowl and say, "Well, it's a good place to throw all of the hardware, the nuts and the bolts and all of the other stuff." And you use it for cleaning your paintbrush so you pour in paint thinner. And you just leave it there. Five years later, a friend comes over and he looks at that bowl. It catches his eye and he gets up and says, "Where did you get this?" You say, "Oh, it's just an old glass bowl." Your friend say, "I think that this may be an antique." "Oh, come on." "Yes, I think it might be."

An antique road-show comes to town and your friend's words are in the back of your mind and you say, "Well, let's take it in." So you clean it up and take it in. Suddenly the TV camera is on you and it is appraised. They ask, "You know what it is?" You say, "No." The man says, "This is a rare 18th century French cut-glass bowl. Do you have any idea of its worth?" You say, "No." "Well, $15,000 - $20,000." If that happened to you, that bowl would not go back to the shelf to hold nuts and bolts. Has the bowl changed? No, it always was that. What has changed? You learned what it is. It always was that. Now you know it.

Now look at the text. Do you recognize who your wife is? I'll ask again, "do you recognize who your wife is? Give honor to your wife as being a joint heir of the grace of life with you. She is precious to God! She did not gain that worth all of a sudden. No. God told you what her worth is to Him in His grace when you prayed for a wife. This is what God gave to her. This determines how you are to live with her and how you are to treat and cherish her. She is not just a wife. She is not just a homemaker. She is not just a woman, a girl. Just! Oh, may God give you eyes to see, as a husband, what the honor here is. and what it means. She has been made by grace to be a vessel belonging to the King of kings, a daughter of the King. May God open your eyes as a man, as a husband, and may God open your eyes as boys. There is nothing in the world which can help you to understand, which can show you what the godly woman is. The world is going to degrade them into sexual exploitation. But not God. The world is going to degrade them as somehow having to be equal physical with a man and all the rest. But God does not degrade women. The world and feminist movement and sin degrade a woman. But God does not. God says she is a princess. "My daughters are the daughters of a King. And I am going to bring them to my palace." Now to you, God says, "Do you know your wife?" If not, why have you prayed for a wife, and why haven't you learned husbands?

The world is going to pick up on how you treat your wife and how you live with her. The world will know that she has been hurt, mistreated, abused and forgotten by you. For Peter is emphasizing to us as pilgrim-strangers that the truth that we belong to God must always be observed by the world. You know how your neighbors live. You might never have talked to your neighbors. But you know how they live. And you might even know what the husband/wife relationship is in their marriage. You know that. You pick up on how they relate to each other - even if you have not talked to them. You know. The world picks up on you, too, husband. The men at the office, the men at the job site - they never saw your wife, maybe. But they certainly know what you think of her. Husbands, those men must know that you believe that you are living with a princess - a beautiful woman by the grace of God.

The verse ends with an incentive: "that your prayers be not hindered." This is an incentive for both of the duties. We must dwell with our wife and we must give honor to our wife, and we must do that so that our prayers are not hindered. The word "hindered" refers to what any army does when it seeks to retard the progress of the invader. It would then blow up bridges, dig trenches. It would do anything to impede the progress of the army, stop the invading army, grind it to a halt. Paul uses this word in Romans 15:22, "For which cause also I have been much hindered from coming to you." That is, there were things that happened that prevented his coming to the city of Rome. Then again, in Galatians 5:7 he says, "Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?" The apostle says, "Who was the one throwing up a road-block in your life of obedience? Who is impeding your progress in obeying the truth of God? Who got in your way and get out of your own way."

Now God says that how you live with your wife has everything to do with your prayers. Do you want your prayers impeded? Do you want them hindered? Husbands, do you want your prayers to go no higher than the roof of your mouth? Then pay attention to how you dwell with your wife. If you do not want God to hear your prayers, then dwell with your wife sinfully. Dwell with your wife and never honor her. That is exactly what is going to happen. You will not be given the assurance that God hears your prayer. You are not living in love with your wife? You are not doing that? You say, "Well, there are all kinds of reasons…." You are not doing that? God says, "Your prayers will be hindered." I made you the head and you have failed and you do not see your own ways.

Now I want you to know, brothers, with me, that this is used as an incentive for prayer. That tells us something. Let me ask you: Does the warning of God's Word that something will wreak havoc in your prayer life get your attention? Or do you say, "No big deal." There are few things that are so precious to a true child of God as prayer - the intimacy, the strength, the joy of prayer. Do you take that lightly? Can you endure without prayer? Can you live with a brassy heaven over your soul? Or do you say, "Whatever impedes my prayers, it's not worth it!"

How will it do that? From God's perspective, God has willed that if His children are not walking on this earth in obedience to Him, they shall not enjoy the assurance of His ear from heaven. Psalter #174, "If in my heart I sin regard, My prayer He will not hear" (Psalm 66:18). If you treat your sin indifferently, God will not give you the assurance that He hears your prayers. Isaiah 59:1, 2, "Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear." God will hear a broken heart. God will hear a contrite spirit. No matter how weak or muffled will be the cry, God will hear that. But if we walk carelessly we will not be able to barge our way into the presence of God. Our relationships will be broken and your wife will become distant, uninterested and broken. God has willed that if His children are not walking on this earth in obedience to Him, they shall not enjoy the assurance of His ear from heaven.

From our perspective, if we are not treating and respecting our wife according to the truth of the Scriptures, if we are walking disobediently toward our wife before God, what will happen? We will have a bloody conscience, we will have a guilty conscience. If you are upset with your wife, and you are a child of God, you know that you cannot pray. You know that because, in the way of sin, the Spirit testifies to your heart that you cannot go to God. You know that. You will be in a state of confusion, often blaming your wife for what has happened, but if you know the bible, if you are the leader, the provider, the protector, it will soon come to pass that you will not enjoy the assurance of God's ear if you do not always honor your wife, pray and ask god to forgive you.

So God says that the very way of being assured that you shall be heard by God in your prayers is to be found in the way of honoring her, making her first and not last, speaking with a kind tongue to her, caressing her, and having enjoyment with her. God says that if we are not right on the horizontal level, we cannot be right on the vertical level. God says, "Leave there thy gift. If you bring me a gift in prayer, leave it there. First be reconciled to thy brother (thy wife), then come and offer thy gift." There are few things that are more telling in a marriage than your ability to pray and stay with your wife. Can you take her hand tonight in yours and go to God? Or must you cross over the line of hypocrisy, disrespect, ignorance, and complete and total disregard? Husbands in Christ, God is serious about how we live as men. He is serious about our lives as husbands. He is serious for His holy name's sake. He has taken to Himself a wife - the church. He dwells with her in honor. He loves His church. It is His church and He loves her. And He allows no one to harm her. Not even you. He cherishes her and He lavishes her with His love and He comforts her in His Word. And He is going to take His church, His bride, to Himself in glory. Deaf ears will fall on you if you as her husband can not learn the same.

Now, husbands, dwell with your wife. Honor her, cherish her, praise her, love her, stand by her. Go to the cross for forgiveness, for strength. Ask God to forgive all that you have done and all that you have broken. God has pledged to give you what you need according to His own grace and faithfulness. And may it be that, as husbands, you and I are living commentaries on this text, so that God could say today, "I have no need to write unto you, for your own life shows the truth of what it means for a husband to honor with his wife."
God grant His blessing upon us.
Let us pray.

Father, we thank Thee for Thy Word and we pray that Thou wilt write it on our heart. In Jesus' name, Amen.

unwritten…unspoken…unsung

2010-10-21T20:43:00.008-04:00

I’ve got an unwritten book with unwritten words yet to be expressed. I’ve got unspoken words that have yet to be shared and unsung songs in my heart that have yet to be sang. Yet, each day I am hopeful that as I face each day, one more letter, word and song will be placed in my heart. I’ve got faith that as God blesses me to rise each day, I am to be in the moment and feel the presence of Him. I’ve got faith and staying power that as my life plays itself out, the pages of thought, words of expression and the gift of song will find its place like so many. It’s all a process and that is why it is important to stay close, remain open and willing to receive. I’ve got a book without pages, words unspoken and a song without a tune but I am highly inspired, highly hopeful and even more faithful that at just the right time, that perfect time, all will be delivered just as it has before. Don’t let your book collect dust, words fall on deaf ears, or song be for naught.

I know what love is...

2010-10-14T20:15:00.004-04:00

I know what Love is….
Love! If you’ve ever felt love, ever been in love then you can’t mistake it. Love makes you want to do some crazy things. I’m talking about things that could certify you as a nutcase! Yes! That kind of love! Love forces you outside of yourself… to please the other person without thinking of yourself at all. I’ve been blessed with much love. I’ve been in love and I’ve given lots of love. I can’t help it; it’s who I am and what I am made of. God is love and if we can feel His presence, then we can experience the power of love. For those who love, keep loving. For those who struggle with giving love, let yourself go and move toward it and for those who struggle with receiving love, open your heart, take a chance and experience the wonders of love. There is nothing on this earth more powerful. You will be fascinated with love and once you’ve truly experienced love you will never be able to live without it. Say Yes to Love. Don’t wait until tomorrow, Say Yes to Love Today.
Love truly, always and forever Tori!

The Choice is Yours

2010-09-16T19:57:00.002-04:00

Even when we know we are doing wrong, we still can’t help ourselves because we have convinced ourselves that just for the moment; I need to choose this behavior. Why is it that knowing that one day, we will all have to account for every single one of our actions, we still choose the behavior that we know God does not approve of? What’s worse is that we’ve convinced ourselves that we are saved, are Christians and can be forgiven, so we decide to please ourselves by hurting others, believing that our ticket to eternal life is guaranteed.

Why is it that some simply refuse to make an effort to improve their lives through sacrifice and hard work? It’s easier to believe that God wants for us what we want for ourselves and therefore, God will grant it. Let me be real clear for you.. God is so much more powerful than you or I. HE does not think as we do, act as we do, sin as we do and choose as we do. HE Is God!

Men are called men for a reason, yet so many men fail to understand what the true definition is. A real man is a Godly man. A man with honor, who loves and serves God unconditionally. A real man will protect, provide and put himself last to ensure he has cared for those who God has given him. A real man will know and love who he is and will want to be all the man he can be for himself, those who depend on him and God.

Women are called women for a reason, yet so many women fail to understand what the true definition is. Women are the brides of Christ. She is a caregiver, lover, nurturer and supporter, yet she sells herself short each time she engages in behavior that is not becoming and pleasing to God.

We are all given these titles and more for a reason, yet day by day, we consciously choose to ignore. Day by day, we choose not to love and day by day we choose to behave in such a way that would bring tears to any mother’s eyes if it were his last.
You don’t have to believe me. You don’t even have to like or agree with what I am writing, but one day you will have to answer to an authority so much higher than you. One day, you will have to recall each time you hurt someone and knew it, did not honor or love your wife or husband, ignored your children, did not live up to your obligations, lied, cheated, stole, manipulated or wavered in your faith to make it convenient for you.

You will have to answer to not knowing how to drive in life when you had the manual all along. You will have to answer to manipulation, selfishness, being controlling and trying to even outwit God. Even when we know we are doing wrong, we still can’t help ourselves because we have convinced ourselves that just for the moment; I need to choose this behavior. No you don’t! Choose God's way.

Father ~ Father

2010-09-12T15:44:00.006-04:00

Father~ Father

I could not have hand picked a better father for my daughters. A man who is committed, loving, unquestionably and undeniably 100% dedicated to his daughters. I've never quite understood the chemistry they have for him, one that simply does not allow me in, but I surmise that's the mystery of a father and his daughters. When his smile looks upon them, my heart skips a beat. His smile becomes so wide and although no words may come out of his mouth, anyone witnessing this will know that it's pure and unconditional love.

When he speaks, they listen. When he advises, they take it. When he comforts, they ease into his arms like a small child. They run to him with their cares and concerns because they know their father will always have the answers. He is their cure. He is upright. His actions, conduct, attitude and purpose is always filled with good intentions toward them. With as much love as I have for my daughters, I as their mother can't compare to the type of love he has for them. This love has to be celebrated. There are not many feelings that can touch me than when my daughters say, "Mom, we have the best father in the world. " I know what they mean. I have a Father too.

Father, thank you for blessing me with the gift of two daughters and for blessing them with a Father who, like you, would lay down his life for them.

Friends are another one of God's blessings

2010-08-26T22:54:00.009-04:00

All of my life, I have had friends, I thought. They've enriched my life and I pray I have done the same for them. But lately, I've been really thinking about the true definition of a friend. Websters Dictionary describes a friend as "a person you know well and regard with affection and trust." That short definition is true, but I desire to add on to that definition based on my experience with friendship.

Not everyone is a friend. We have associates, co-workers, neighbors and casual acquaintances. Some of these people can not be trusted and frankly, some we really don't know all that well although we may see them everyday.

A friend to me is someone who has not judged, someone who can tell you the truth in the spirit of love and with no hidden agendas. A friend can cry and laugh with you. A friend can get angry at you but then realize that the friendship is much greater than the anger they hold. A friend will love you unconditionally and will always want your best. A friend is your cheerleader, coach, counselor, mentor, leader, and when necessary your truth serum.

So while I started off by saying that "All of my life, I have had friends," really, all of my life I have had plenty of associates, co-workers, neighbors and casual acquaintances. Being a friend and having a friend is a tall order and not many people can handle this kind of responsibility.

I have been blessed with a few good friends and I thank God for them. So, thank you:

Arnetta (My sister)
Glenda (Accountability Partner, Sister from another mother, Ace in the hole)
Sharon (childhood friends since I was 5 years old)
Regina (childhood friends since I was 5 years old)
Paula (childhood friends since I was 5 years old)
Joy (childhood friends since I was 5 years old)
Patti
Roz
Stephanie
Carol (Curl)
Lori (LoDuck)
Christal (Roomie)
Jacquie (Jaqs)
Denise (Dennie)

These are the people who have allowed me to come into their lives and who have come into mine and been a blessing. Pick your friends wisely as not all people have earned the right to be your friend and for those who have, bless them and thank God for them.

Marriage...A Must Read

2010-07-18T20:02:00.003-04:00

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage?

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

~Author...unknown

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

The Very Next Time...Consider This...

2010-05-22T10:15:00.006-04:00

The very next time you get upset because someone cut you off in traffic; consider that they might be rushing to get to a loved one who needs them…

The very next time a clerk is rude to you at a grocery store, consider that they just received their paycheck and it’s been confirmed that they simply cannot feed their children…

The very next time you eat buffet style and throw away your food because you put too much on your plate, consider that there really are people who would love to eat your scraps…

The very next time you say something hurtful, mean or just downright ignorant to someone, consider how that might make you feel if someone said it to your mother…

The very next time your children try to guilt you into buying them something because their friends have it, consider not negotiating with them. No means No and don’t ask again…

The very next time your co-worker doesn’t speak to you after he/she’s passed you 19X in the hallway, consider speaking to them instead…

The very next time a homeless person asks for money, consider giving them food instead and remember, they are someone’s son, daughter, mother or father.

The very next time you throw clothes away because you have too many, consider giving them to a shelter or better yet, the person who has never had a new pair of pants…

The very next time you debate over whether you should tithe, consider what God gave up for us. HIS SON…

The very next time you see a young boy whose pants are hanging at his knees, consider buying him a belt instead of determining he’s a thug…

The very next time you see an overweight person stuff themselves with food, consider they are really feeding an emotional need with a physical act…

The very next time you tell someone that you love them, consider whether your actions pair up with your words…

The very next time you stress or worry, consider praying…

The very next time you think of someone who has been on your mind, consider calling them on the phone instead of emailing them…

The very next time you say T.G.I.F. (Thank God it’s Friday) considering thanking Him for the entire week…

The definition of CONSIDERATION means to give careful thought. I challenge you to give careful thought the very next time.

So In Love

2010-05-07T23:22:00.006-04:00

I never knew that at the age of 47, I would be so in love with Jesus Christ. As a child, I grew up in an A.M.E. Church. My mother made sure that we attended Sunday school each Sunday, cooking classes on Saturday’s and Bible Study on Wednesday nights. She even sent us to summer long bible camp and tutoring class to make sure her children stayed grounded in Christ. As I grew into my teenage years and young adult years, church and Christ became further and further from my mind. Please don’t misunderstand, I have ALWAYS loved Christ, however; I never appreciated his power until I became an adult.

Fast forward 30+ years later; I have never been so in love. I have never fully given myself to any man, woman or child. Man disappoints….Christ doesn’t. I am not in the business of putting down someone else’s belief. If you want to pray to rocks, mountains, monkeys in cages, scorpions, or gaze at the stars believing they will grant you your wish, that is your belief, but I can tell you this…none of those things will get your soul into heaven and none of those things will have mercy on you.

Christ is the only one who will have mercy and grace when we don’t deserve it. He is the only one who will take you as you are. He is the only one who will forgive you over and over and over. He is the only one who will divinely protect you once you confess your sins and believe that He died so that you can live. He is the only one who promises that you will live forever with Him by accepting Him. I am living proof that Christ lives and is working in my life. When I have good news, I want to tell someone. I am telling you. You have to trust that what I am saying is truthful and that in order to escape the eternal fiery lake, you must turn to Christ.

What deeply saddens me is that some people will read this and never think twice about these words. Some will read and will choose to remain forever lost. They will go back to praying to rocks, mountains, monkeys in cages, scorpions, or gazing at the stars. Why don’t you give Christ a try? He will never leave or forsake you. I promise and HE promises!
God Bless You.

Summer Breeze ~

2010-05-01T19:46:00.003-04:00

See the curtains hanging in the window
In the evening on a Friday night
A little light a-shining through the window
Lets me know everythings alright

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind

See the paper lying on the sidewalk
A little music from the house next door
So I walk on up to the door step
Through the screen and across the floor

Sweet days of summer, the jasmine's in bloom
July is dressed up and playing her tune
When I come home from a hard days work
And you're waiting there, not a care in the world

See the smile a-waiting in the kitchen
Food cooking and the plates for two
Feel the arms that reach out to hold me
In the evening when the day is through

Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
Blowing through the jasmine in my mind

Just a not so silly thought...

2010-03-27T18:22:00.006-04:00

Just a not so silly thought…

Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the "would've, could've and should've in life. It's a peaceful place for me because it describes a time free of mistakes, pain and loss and I enjoy getting lost in those moments of yesterday. As a young girl growing up in Philadelphia, I had no idea of the challenges waiting to face me as I matured into a woman. Yesterday was such a safe place. No cares, no worries, no debt, no responsibilities, and no heavy loads to carry when you could barely carry yourself.

As a woman today, I realize that I lived a life burying pain, hurt and loss in order to rid myself of my rightfully justified emotions. I also realize that I have been angry and resentful as a result of abandonment, injustice and punishment that wasn't mine. I buried these feelings so deeply that for years, there was no trace or evidence to show that they were ever my reality.

Thirty years later, I am now challenged to embrace the little girl within, love and comfort her and let her know that it is alright. I will never be able to change my past, the pain, the discomfort, injustice, punishment or abandonment but I am starting the process of realizing that even “would’ve, could’ve and should’ve would not have been able to save me because the life I have was predestined.

I have to be my own soldier and stand up for me. There are lyrics that say “You can’t hurry love” well I say “You can’t bury love.” For many years, I buried a part of me. I am love, I have love and I gave love to everyone and everything except the depth of me. Yesterday is long ago, but today and tomorrow, I am raising up the dead. I will love the depth of me.

My name is Tori and I celebrate being 46!

2010-01-10T15:09:00.002-05:00

Mid-age, mid-age, mid age! So what? What is mid-age anyway? Is mid age the middle of your current age or the middle of the age you feel? Is mid-age that point at which society says we are almost over the hill, not as valuable and can’t contribute like our younger brethren? Should we all start shopping for our rockers, picking out our nursing homes and stocking up on denture cream? After all, the light that once shined so brightly on us is now just a flicker. So why don’t we all just sit idly by (in our rockers of course) and accept reaching our awful destination because our time is almost up!

By definition, mid age means the time of life between youth and old age. But isn’t youth and old age often time one’s individual perception of what they are feeling within? I’m 46 years old and each day I celebrate not mid age, but instead evolving to an age that many have yet to see and for some, will never see. I celebrate life and the opportunities that still await me because I am of such an age. I celebrate what I will do at 50 because I didn’t have the wisdom to know I wanted it at 30.

So why all the talk about mid-age? What I have surmised from folks who constantly make mid-age a daily part of their conversation is that they feel they have failed. They believe they will never be given an opportunity to get it right. They have convinced themselves that by what society considers mid-age, their time has passed. I have also surmised that they would rather focus on what they can no longer do rather than focus on what they have left to do.

Now…let’s not get it all mangled here… you may not be able to run a marathon like you did in high school, stay out all night long without ever going to bed yet make it to work on time or dance for 20 songs straight without missing a beat. So what? Why does your inability to do all of these things paint you in a corner of despair because you are getting older?

Every second that we are given the blessing to breathe air means we still have something left to contribute to this world. Every day of life is one that we must see as a new beginning…no matter what age.

I choose to celebrate new beginnings, new adventures and new blessings. I choose to celebrate deliverance, wisdom, family, love and the people who love me for exactly who I am. I celebrate God’s mercy and grace for choosing me to see this day.
My name is Tori, I am 46 and I am already thankful for 47.

When was the last time you...

2009-08-28T21:25:00.000-04:00

You kissed someone and meant it?
You cooked a real meal and sprinkled each ingredient with tender and love?
You helped someone without expecting anything back?
You gave freely?
You watched a good movie with your loved one?
You didn't stress over the bills?
You just didn't care that you may be overweight?
Your mind felt free?
You cleaned your mental house?
You got rid of a toxic relationship?
You sang and didn't care who heard you?
You took a nice long bath?
You relaxed and focused on SELF?
You let someone do something nice for you?
You realized that today could be your last day on earth and time waits for no one?

"Nothing continues except change; nothing remains the same, nor should it.
Life is not a state of being, but a process of becoming. To go anywhere, we must leave where we are; to become anything else, we must stop being what we were..."

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Is This It?

2009-03-14T08:39:00.000-04:00

Shower, Work, Eat, Sleep, Shower, Work, Eat, Sleep, Shower, Work, Eat Sleep! You're kidding me right? Is this all there is to life...shower, work, eat and sleep? I didn't sign up for this and I certainly would have never asked for THIS kind of life; however, this is all I find myself doing these days.

Will someone tell me that I am in the wrong body, that this life was meant for someone who did something awful in their past life? I'm too young, vibrant and way too much fun for this kind of life....yet it's mine.

How do you manage to squeeze the fun in or the days where you can have some time with just self? I long for a day when no one knows my name or telephone number. I long for a day when I can be by myself and do everything just for me. Am I living in a dream world to believe that those days no longer exist and that the few I get a year will never return? I ask the question again "Is This It"? Nooooooooooooooooo!

For so long I've believed that we were forced to deal with the knocks that life gave us and had the "It is what it is" attitude. That no longer holds true for me. Your life is what it is if you decide not to do anything about it. Your life remains what it is if you don't recognize that a change needs to happen.

My life is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it sure as hell beats the Shower, Work, Eat, Sleep routine. I make sure I get my fun in. I make sure I take care of me and I make sure that at the end of the day I've handsomely paid myself back.

I have to come first because I am the only one living in my body. I am the only one with my soul and spirit and if it's shattered, no one can let me borrow theirs. I've found that appreciating some of the simple things can turn it around for me. Many times it is purely a thought. Thoughts are so powerful and can take you any where at any time. What are you thinking?

If you're thinking "Is this it" tell yourself no and change your thoughts. Your entire mood will change and your behavior will soon follow. Dare to be selfish and give back to self. We have just one opportunity to get this right on earth.

I dare you to Shower, Work, Eat, Sleep, get a pedicure, work out, go dancing, visit a church, laugh, buy some flowers, watch a good movie, visit some friends, kiss your children, kiss them some more, play with a dog, take a hot bath, light some candles, enjoy a smooth glass of wine, tell your mate you love them, embrace the sun, talk to the elderly, buy yourself something special and do some traveling.

The next time you ask yourself "Is this It" I dare you to say NO!

Stepping Outside of Yourself

2009-01-16T14:08:00.000-05:00

What do you want? What do you pray for? What do you long for? What do you need? A lot of questions right? Think about it. What steps have you taken to acquire what it is that you dream of? Do you follow the norm or do you take chances and step outside of yourself?

I've found in my 45 years of life that many times in life, in order to get what you want, what you deserve and what you need, may require stepping outside of yourself and your comfort zone. It requires removing yourself from your familiarity so that God and the Universe can bless you. All that is required is taking the first step and sometimes that step is away from your norm.

I have also learned that what is specifically designed for us, we can not lose and what belongs to someone else, we can not have. In order to better understand the sacred contract of your life, it requires stepping away and stepping outside. It requires higher thinking which could include looking back from time to time to make sure you're still on the right path.

Your blessings can be stored in a place that you would never think about venturing into. They could be all bottled up in a place that may not be easy to get to, but in order to obtain anything, it requires SELF-WORK.

Step away and step outside. Take the risk and dare to tread in that unfamiliar territory. You don't know what is waiting for you and more importantly, you will land EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. It's called your Sacred Contract and it only belongs to YOU.

The Simpler Life:

2009-01-05T23:25:00.000-05:00

Here are the facts! I loved when things were pure and simple. If you’re under 40, you may not be able to relate, but I am hopeful that one or two of these items will ring a bell. Feel free to jump on board and hopefully, you will enjoy the ride like we have. It was truly a ride and if you’d like to comment or share, feel free to add to “The Simpler Life.”

1. It was a punishment to stay indoors and not go outside. Today, technology keeps our child occupied and they don’t want to go out.
2. Our games were hop scotch, tag, duck, duck goose, ding dong dixie, catch a boy-kiss a boy. Today, the games are either electronic or involving strangulation to cut off your oxygen .
3. While riding in our parents car, we read books, sang songs or simply talked. Today, DVD’s occupy our children and our only conversation is “Is your seatbelt on?”
4. Our neighbors could discipline us and then tell our parents who would discipline us some more. Today, if a neighbor disciplined us, parents will get into a verbal confrontation with them.
5. Our teachers, policemen, firemen and people of authority could be trusted. Today, we have to teach our children to watch out for them.
6. School was a safe haven. Today, we have metal detectors at the front doors and children are being killed by their classmates.
7. You could buy a hotdog, soda and chips for $1.00. Today, that $1.00 is worth .25.
8. People would stop and offer a ride if your car was on the side of the road. Today, they rubberneck to see who the less unfortunate are and keep driving by.
9. People listened to music on vinyl records and we didn’t have to think about bad language. Today, music is listened in the loudest volume on iPod’s and if it doesn’t have bad language, it’s the wrong version.

I am saddened by the turn of events causing our adults, authority figures and children to become absorbed and influenced by an unGodly environment and while my list is a small version of “The Simpler Life,” I am fortunate to have been a part of it.

EMERGENCY TELEPHONE NUMBERS.....

2009-01-05T19:20:00.001-05:00

Every now and then we all need an emergency telephone number for any situation. These are more effective than 911 and you will never be put on hold.

Call When:
You are sad, Phone - John 14
You have sinned, Phone - Psalm 51
You are facing danger, Phone - Psalm 91
People have failed you, Phone - Psalm 27
It feels as though God is far from you, Phone - Psalm 139
Your faith needs stimulation, Phone - Hebrews 11
You are alone and scared, Phone - Psalm 23
You are worried, Phone - Matthew 8:19-34
You are hurt and critical, Phone - 1 Corinthians 13
You wonder about Christianity, Phone - 2 Corinthians 5:15-18
You feel like an outcast, Phone - Romans 8:31-39
You are seeking peace, Phone - Matthew 11:25-30
It feels as if the world is bigger than God, Phone - Psalm 90
You need Christ like insurance, Phone - Romans 8:1-30
You are leaving home for a trip, Phone - Psalm 121
You are praying for yourself, Phone - Psalm 87
You require courage for a task, Phone - Joshua 1
Inflation is consuming your thoughts, Phone - Mark 10:17-31
You are depressed, Phone - Psalm 27
Your bank account is empty, Phone - Psalm 37
You lose faith in mankind, Phone - Corinthians 13
People are unfriendly, Phone - John 15
You are losing hope, Phone - Psalm 126
You feel the world is small compared to you, Phone - Psalm 19
You want to carry fruit, Phone - John 15
Paul's' secret for happiness, Phone - Colossians 3:12-17
With big opportunity/discovery, Phone - Isaiah 55
To get along with other people, Phone - Romans 12

ALTERNATE NUMBERS
For dealing with fear, Phone - Psalm 3:47
For security, Phone - Psalm 12:13
For assurance, Phone - Mark 8:35
For reassurance, Phone - Psalm 145:18

If I only knew then what I know now....

2009-01-01T23:20:00.000-05:00

I would have said more I love You's to my Brother Arnold.
~~~I lost him to cancer
I would have picked up every penny that I found.
~~~They would be worth thousands
I would have not blown a full ride for a joy ride.
~~~Education is more valuable than a boy at 18
I would have stood up to those who tried to tear me down.
~~~Would have built my character much earlier
I would have understood that Karma is alive and well.
~~~I wasted time focusing on others
I would have learned to love myself much earlier in life.
~~~Would have saved years of questioning
I would have remained in church all of these years.
~~~I would know the bible better
I would have worked smarter not harder.
~~~I would have gotten off the treadmill much earlier

If I only knew then what I know now, I would not be the person I am today. Life has a strange way of taking us through things to build us up and to ready us for today. Sometimes it's pain, sorrow and sometimes it's regret. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come so embrace your TODAY! It is NEVER too late. I thank God I didn't know then what I know now, for I surely would have missed the lesson.

Loving the Genuine You

2009-01-01T11:53:00.000-05:00

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It is good to laugh when you find something funny. It is good to cry when you are sad. You are a beautiful, unique living person, with hopes and dreams, feelings, values, opinions, thoughts and visions. It is good to let it all shine through.

People sometimes think they can appear sophisticated by denying who they truly are. Yet real sophistication and value comes from fully expressing your most genuine sentiments and truths in the way you live your life.

You'll never find fulfillment by trying to be someone you're not. You'll never find fulfillment by following someone else's dreams.

Life is always best when you live each moment as the real person you are. Though it can be painful and difficult at times, it is far better to live the genuine truth of your own being than to run and hide from it.

Go ahead and feel the joy, the pain and fully live the ups and downs and twists and turns of the rich and wonderful life with which you're blessed. Be the real, genuine you and there is no limit to the fulfillment you can know.

No New Years Resolutions for Me!

2008-12-30T20:02:00.000-05:00

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Every year just about this time we all get asked what our New Years Resolutions are. Each year I always have a plan laid out and each year I fail. It was only THIS YEAR (2008) when I realized that my plans fail because I felt as if I had to have one...you know, it was the thing to do. New Year, New You. WRONG! I don't have one this year and I am actually proud to admit that I will not be sucombing to the pressure of stating that I will:

Eat Healthier, Exercise More, Read more books, yadda, yadda, yadda and all of that junk that never get lived up to under pressure. For me all of these things should be maintained all year long. They also need to be a passion for me, something I want to do versus something that just sounds good to say to someone.

I know what I need to do to remain emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy and it doesn't begin on January 1 and end on January 2. It's all year long.

Of course I expect my husband to read this and call me a Maverick. Besides nick naming me Stormy, he says I am a Maverick. He feels I go against the grain of things but for me, it's not going against the grain, it's remaining true to who I am. Just because everyone is going left doesn't mean I have to. Sometimes going right feels more comfortable for me.

In this case, I have No New Years Resolution and it feels Right.
Happy New Year and May this be the Year that you come into your OWN. I have and it really does feel RIGHT!

Who wants to Roam?

2008-12-26T14:30:00.000-05:00

As most of my friends know, I am a huge fan of the red wine "Goats do Roam" although I was always a white wine person. Reds in my opinion had a bitter, bark tree like taste and so I had no interest; additionally, my husband only drank red wine and convinced me that not only was it better for you, but there really are red wines that are soothing to your pallet. He was right.

I was introduced to Goats do Roam about 2 years ago and have not looked back. I have also referred this wine to many, many people who love it as well. I'm now introducing it to you. This wine is produced in South Africa and is corkless. Purchase price is anywhere between $8.99 - $16.99 per bottle depending on where you live. I usually get it for $8-99-$9.99 per bottle.

Respected South African winery Fairview owner/vintner Charles Back has built what started as a single red blend named Goats do Roam into a full-fledged wine company offering a range of top-quality, blended wines widely available throughout the wine-drinking world. The Goats do Roam brand is, in fact, the single-biggest selling South African wine label in the United States. Fruit for the wines is sourced from vineyards in the Paarl, Malmesbury and Stellenbosch areas, where Back owns farms or buys fruit from selected wine growers. No matter what their origins, grapes are selected based on the basis of inherent fruit quality and flavor characteristics required for each respective blend in the range.

The grapes are vinified in Fairview’s cellar in Paarl by Charles Back and resident winemaker Anthony de Jager, also responsible for the Fairview range. For all the light-hearted sense of fun evident in the labelling and branding of the Goats do Roam range, the wines themselves take a serious approach to quality. The style is modern, fruit-rich, with intelligent use of wood for either fermentation and/or maturation in small French and American oak barrels. The range is predominantly red, complemented by selected whites and a rosé and covering tastes from those that call for a wine with complexity and cellaring potential to those that require early drinking.

Come on and Roam with me. Enjoy!

My Forgotten Santa Claus

2008-12-23T22:43:00.002-05:00

I have to admit, I was not always a fan of Christmas. Something deep within me (even as a little girl) always made me feel sad because I knew there were people who were not as fortunate. There was never a Christmas that went by where my mother and family members did not shower us with plenty of gifts. As a parent, I did the same for my children.

Regretfully, I must tell all who read this that showering one with gifts is not the meaning of Christmas. Christmas really is a time where REAL people are very sad. Some don't have food, employment, a home or money to give if they wanted to. Some are even left without hope.

I found my old Santa Clause a few years ago during an after Christmas Sale. He was in the very front of the store but marked at half of the price of the other ones similiar to him. He was quite dusty but even at half price, no one wanted him. I did and had to have him.

He is my favorite and here's why:

He was the forgotten one. He was the one that no one wanted and he was the one that most people turned their backs on. Was it because he did not have on the shiny red suit, but instead an older looking corduroy coat? Was it because he did not have a bag of goodies in his hand or because he held an empty bird's nest? Was it because he didn't have a huge smile on his face but instead wore the look of a man with character? Whatever the reasons are as to why he was overlooked were all the reasons why I had to have him.

Here is my challenge to you....remember the forgotten ones. Don't become so consumed in your own joy that you forget to bring joy to someone else. Don't forget the people who are less fortunate and don't forget to pay it forward.

Have a Very Merry Christmas.

My Classic Wisdom Favorites...

2008-12-23T15:35:00.000-05:00

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Tori's Classic Wisdom Favorites

Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction...

The only completely consistent people are the dead...

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration...

Never work just for money or power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night...

Work for something because it is good, not because it has a chance to succeed...

When things go wrong, don't go with them...

From now on, any definition of a successful life, must include serving others...

Never apologize for showing feeling, when you do so you apologize for the truth...

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power...

A good heart is better than all the heads in the world...

A man's character is like a tree and its reputation is like its shadow; the shadow is what we think of it, the tree is the real thing...

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance...

You've got to get to the stage in your life where going for it is more important than winning or losing...

A goal without a plan is just a wish...

You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do...

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it...

A man's reputation is the opinion people have of him; his character is what he really is...

LIFE'S MOST URGENT QUESTION IS: WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR OTHERS?...

Tori's in love with...

2008-12-23T14:21:00.000-05:00

A few of my Favorite things....

God
Peace
Good will

Family

Friends

A hot bubble bath

Alone hours for reflection

Sunny days and the summer time

Belly Aching Laughter

Music

A good heart

A glass of red wine

A swagger in a walk

Healthy salads

The Caribbean

Manicure and Pedicures

A good drama movie

Cocktail Parties where holding up the lil pinky is a no-no

Puppies

Clean scents

Shoes, shoes and more shoes

A deep tissue massage

People who are true to themselves

Healthy Balance of Life

Whatever happened to baby Teeky???

2008-12-21T22:25:00.003-05:00

PHOTO OF MY SISTER AND I.

MY SISTER IS ON THE LEFT AND I AM ON THE RIGHT

At 45 years of age, I can still freshly recall the days of my youth when things were simple, Marvin Gaye was playing in the background and I could hear all of the neighborhood kids on my block outside playing. I can still even smell the smells of childhood sweat after a long day of play. I used to think "I can't wait until I am grown." I longed for freedom, independence, doing it my way and didn't have a clue of the responsibilities that went along with this.

I remember my mother calling us in the house to eat, take our baths or clean up the house. I remember the smell of pine when she would mop the floors and the smell of the basement when we had to take the laundry off of the basement clothesline. Those days were so long ago, but just YESTERDAY. Where did they go

How did time eat away at so many years and so fast? How is it that in just a blink of an eye, I am now married (for the 2nd time) and have 2 daughters in college? It was too fast and I wish it would stop. I wish I could take a day, an hour, or a moment to go back in time and embrace the child in Teeky again. I wish I would not have longed to be grown so much and better embraced my youth, I wish I could once again watch my mother (without her knowing) move her hips to Marvin Gaye's Mercy, Mercy, Me.

Whatever happened to baby Teeky? Well, she really is grown now. She really does have responsibility now and while her mothers hips don't quite move the same, I am thankful that she is still alive and can move at all

Teeky is now a mother, a wife, a friend, and most of all a Child of God. Teeky has been blessed beyond her wildest imagination. She has been carried and protected and Teeky thanks God that she has lived to be grown and now watching her adult daughters grow.

Teeky still longs for the days of long ago, but Teeky now lives her life for her future and appreciates even better those days of long ago. I thank God he's carried me all the way.